Isn't that beautiful?

I was at my hometown when the Ministry announced that the country applied the RMO in our country nationwide. It fit the purpose and in line with our mission; which is to break the chain of the COVID-19. Hence, that was the initial cause why my wedding turns upside down.

Our (My husband and I) has been cancelled few times, which later causing us to suffer financially and mentally. We were scheduled to fly to Bandung on the 25th - which later we cancelled our trip. Health is way salient compared to anything else.

I was browsing over the internet and saw a posting of someone having her honeymoon in Bali, back in the year 2012. I was ... envy-yet-I-believe-that-nothing-can-be-done right now. It's okay. There’s no valid reason to feel envious to anyone though. I should (read: must) learn to be grateful for what I have and what I own in this life. There's no point of comparing our lives.

How did I fill my holiday during this RMO? 

The answers were pretty simple. I spent my time with cooking and trying new recipes that I haven't tried before. I was never a good cook. I googled everything before I started preparing whatever ingredient needed in the dish. The kitchen? MashaAllah! I promise that you wouldn’t like the kitchen when I started to cook. So messy! And obviously, I would be taking hours to do the cleanup right after I finished cooking.

At this point, I constantly felt that I have not enough tools to cook. I felt like buying everything (which I knew, those items that I wished to buy would not been used after the RMO though).

Throughout the RMO, I do realize that the favors of Allah would never ceased. Even though we could not go out, but He replaced those favor with something even precious. Allahuakhbar. He replaced whatever makes us sick and sad to something that could soothes our feelings. Let me explain further. Me and my close friends (the zizters) did talked about our changes of lifestyle during the RMO. The bonding. We are even closer to our family. The family members started to do things together. Spending time together. Isn’t that beautiful?

Alhamdulillah Allah, for the endless nikmat. For the endless love. For the abundance of sustenance.

This life is --- indeed beautiful.

I was married!

Hallo people.

It's me. Yeap. Writing again. It was never my intention to continue writes since I've changed my profession and I need to put my priority on what important first.

However people..

Since I got some free time, why not?

So, last Friday, to be exact; on 20 March 2020, I have been married my best friend, my loyal listener, my forever advisor and the love of my life. Despite of the pandemics situation, we have thrown a simple ceremony and less than 50 peoples were invited.

It is so.... private.

The journey was never been easy.

We booked our flight ticket a month before our wedding day. We were scheduled to fly to Miri on the 18. However, later that evening we decided to rescheduled our flight ticket to Miri, which costs us an additional expenses which around MYR 800. 

We rushed back home and packed our things. We reached the airport at 4 am. There were so many people! The airport was damn packed with people. The journey took us about 2 and a half hours. It was tiring. I was asleep the entire hours. 

Once we arrived at the airport, we spend our 15 - 20 minutes to wait for the rental car owners to come. Another minute been wasted. Later, we drove to my sister's house and having breakfast with her and, we went to Harvey Norman. I swear to God, that was the biggest Harvey Norman ever. I bought iron and vacuum cleaner, to replace the older one.

Later, B drove us to Bekenu. He said he wanted to stop and eat at any gerai kampung, well yes to feel the kampung vibes. However people, there were no small shops / gerai here. So we need to drove straight to my hometown. The journey should be only approximately around 30 minutes, but, the google map brought us to which ever road that we both (well i mean.. I) did not familiar with. It took us one hour and 15 minutes to reach our destination. It such an unfamiliar road. But, we saw two (2) interesting place to be visited later - the Lambir National Park and Borneo Rainforest Resort. 

We reach my hometown at 3. B sent me home and he checked in to the homestay (which he had to stay there until the wedding day). Through out the day, I realized that I'm going to marry such a kindhearted man.

20 March 2020.

We were married today. We cooked ourselves (as I have cancelled the catering service). Nenek is a good cook. She cooked perfectly delicious. And B looks extra handsome that day. He looks good in his baju melayu. I teared a bit when Babah menikahkan us both. 

I really enjoyed my days in kampung. There's a lot of thing I could done. My husband, in the other hand, need to adjust himself to be a kampung boy for a while. It's so funny seeing him being attacked by the chickens and he cleaning up the dry leaves in front of my house. He's cute though.

A day after our solemnization day, we should have another round of majlis; our wedding reception. However, due to the current national health issue, we decided to cancel the event. Even our photographer cancels our outdoor photography session. He promised to replace our package with higher package. Thank god I bought a new DSLR camera. Hence, Emma (my sister) shoots our post-wedding photo. Here's a sneak peak of the photos. This was unedited version.

We need to email the raw photos to the photographer so that they can edit and print the photos.

Cant wait to hang the photo at our home!

This posting was a bit longer than I expected.

Hence, I need to stop writing ASAP.

Through out the journey, I do realized that:

1. Family is everything. They will help each other regardless the situation.

2. As a newly wedded couple, we are filled with love and things are still fresh. That is our responsibilities to ensure the love and the marriage to stay fresh and new.

3. As vowed during the akad, we both (the husband and wife) shall hold into that promises and keep it alive forever.

Till then.

Love,

Juerolley.

Entry 1 : April 2019

I did it again.

I promised myself to not to peek at yours (and her's) photo. I promised myself to not get hurt again. I promised myself to stop looking over her facebook and instagram.

But I broke my promises.

And here I am; again.. feeling small and helpless.

She's good. She's pretty, she's brilliant.

Who am I compares to her?

I'm no one.

I feel like a dwarf. Small and tiny.

God..

I want to be good as her.

I want to be better. I wish I could be better.

I wish someday you would tell me that I am  the greatest thing happened to you and I am way better than anyone else.

I promise you would proud of me the way you proud of her.

So for now Dewi,

Get yourself together.

Relationship

Hi,


This month is a very hectic, very challenging month.

It felt like I've been tested with various challenges. Works-relationship-and I have to dealt with my own feeling.

It's funny seeing me become a monster. Out of control.
Funny yet scary.

It feels like my anger triggered even with a simple issue, which can be solved in a blink.
I can be mad at everything.

I throw my tantrum at B and at everybody.

Still clear in my mind on that moment, where I think, B got his own issue and I still want some attention. I'm such a freak!
I hate myself for being inpatient, for being selfish.

So, today, I took some time to sat alone on the couch, and think. What would I feel if people get mad at me, without any reason. It would hurt me.
By putting myself into other's shoe, I do realize that what am I doing is wrong.

So, I've decided to lower my ego, and start to seek apology.

The Sept 14

Boohooo !

My first post after announcing that I am back to blogging world last month . Thought that I'm going to post regularly; but my supposition is wrong. Nothing much happens to me, and got nothing to write. So, I leave my blog empty without any updates then.

Anyway, there's a lot of thing happens today. And I have learnt a lot too!
Some people said that something is better to be kept as personal, but I insisted to share the story here.

I leave my home at 7.45 today, and wish to have my breakfast with someone special. He's going to travel somewhere, so it feels like I should spend our last second together. He sends me off to work today,but still, I wish I could spend my time (even for a while) with him. Despite of my excitement over my plan earlier, suddenly he told me that he can't make it. Danggggg! The first situation. 

I am so selfish for not understanding his condition/situation and insist to be treated well. Well, am I have any substantiation that proving he's not treating me well? I let myself to be in a deep thought just now. Nope. He treated me well all the time and I shall be thankful for that. Where will I found someone like him though? I keep telling myself to not being selfish and have the courtesy to tolerate.

My point is it's okay to feel disappointed. It's okay to feel sad and it's okay if you could not hold back your tears. You even can cry to relieve your sadness. But, once you have calmed, think back, and do some self-reflection. Place yourself in their shoe. I am so sorry, but too shy to apologize. So, to that "someone", if you read this, please forgive me.

I got a lot to be shared, but I am pretty sleepy right now. I'm gonna update this blog tomorrow.

Dearest  B,
Take care and be safe.
Love you.





XOXO,
Juerolley

Starting again

I was sat on the couch and do nothing. Apparently, I need to find something to be done. Well at least, to ditch the boredom away. I have watched most of the movies in Iflix and  I'm not in the mood of reading right now. To get away from the boredom, I scrolled over my phone gallery; watching videos and photos. That's it. No other fun things to be done.While I was plagued by the tedium, I thought maybe I can do some "file sorting" in my laptop. Scrolling over files and folder and..naah. Nothing to be sorted though. So, I thought maybe I could read news online since I'm not a fan of "berita tv".I was browsing over internet, and reading articles and news online, browsing over blogs and I started missing my teenage years, where I spent most of my nights writing. I always told myself to not to write again. I have a lot of other thing to be prioritized. But then... I just love to write. I even kept a book, where all my thought and feeling was written in.






So, I have decided to restart again.






xoxo
Juerolley